Friday, March 13, 2009

SHAME... Everybody has their stuff... Issues in my life... Cher and Tina Turner... You Tube

My husband was asking about asthma triggers and since I've had trouble with this over the last twenty years, sometimes more-so and sometimes less-so, I figured I'd put up a video for informational purposes.

["Understanding Asthma (Asthma #1)"; as submitted to You Tube by illumistream on 11/15/07; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82gn_rDRpHk]

For me, asthma is associated with mold, certain cleaning chemicals, abrupt weather changes, hot humid days, rainy periods - and most of all (I think) stifled tears...

In fact, there was a period of time when I could not cry at all - and would end up at the emergency room instead, where after a shot of steroids (prednisone?) I would start crying my eyes out... which I only seemed to be able to do with medical supervison (?)...

Which is probably relational - since I spent most of this last winter crying (some kind of horrendous breakthrough? / a living, breathing oxymoron?) - and my asthma seems ("knock wood") a bit better as a result - to the issue presented in the following video:

["Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD"; as submitted to You Tube by edyer01 on 7/25/08; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT8vs5P_bFs]

PTSD, depression, anxiety, phobias, eating issues, a history of revictimization - and trying to learn better / healthier coping mechanisms...

Yep, that is me...

The "confessional" (out of vogue) poet, philosopher, writer, dreamer and clown...

Trying, so very hard (whether others believe it or not!) to grow up...

["Depression. You are not alone"; as submitted to You Tube by AnorexicDream on 4/29/07; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CfirTk4PnI]

And thus, I bounce - attempting for this moment - "a day at a time" - to tackle everything at once - flood myself - get over myself - rise above myself...

Sometimes succeeding.

Sometimes failing.

Periodically thumbing my nose at the mental health system that has sucked up my history (to the degree I have remembered it) like a hoover vacuum...

Taken a few vacations on my account...

Offered me drugs [my neurotransmitters appear to be plenty "snappy"] that I want NO PART OF... [usually drugs associated with whatever phamaceutical company is handing out the most free tablets of paper and annointed pens at the time...]

Whilst I have - thus far - kept pushing on (extremely grateful to a few of the more sincere therapists, to be sure!) --- like some of the gals I consider heroes...

Because they didn't give up --- they NEVER gave up --- and their LIGHT still (These are a couple of absolutely amazing women!) shines...

["cher tina tarner_tina_turner_shame_shame_shame"; as submitted to You Tube by goldimeem on 3/3/08; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWIuGywIkvc]

There is no shame in suffering from mental and/or emotional disorders... but one must, in this society, either hide the fact and/or push at the barriers until either the barriers break or --- you do (read the stats...)

So, if you are anything like me --- try to be gentle (I'm speaking to myself, as well) even as you try to push...

And if you want to join a sad silly "leprechaun" or "freedom fairy" (I haven't decided :) for Sunday's St. Patricks Day Parade (an attempt to chase away the blues!) --- send me an email at wingedbirdinflight@live.com

The children love it!

And I've found that to be (no matter what others think) a tremendous incentive to carry on...

[I am speaking from my personal experiences here --- and yours (experiences and/or opinions) may differ. Please do NOT take any of this as "expert" medical advice... and please don't take ANY action that your doctor, therapist and/or psychiatrist would advise you against!]

Peace, Love, Equality and Humane Justice,

NS

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

The more you bare your soul with truth and nothing but the exact and beautiful facts, the more your spirit is allowed to ascend higher and higher until you feel the breath of the Almighty and all your aspirations become one with the universal essence of monotheism until a calming rush of peace puts you afloat just enough to make you walk on air without being considered out of your mind. You never cease to amaze with the depth, combinations and juxtapositions of your posts.
I remember reading something about asthma in a psychiatry journal years ago that claims according to Freudian theory that asthma is the yearning of the person to be back in the fluids of the womb(crock or what?) I was getting triggered for months from mold that began to grow between two dinner plates that were getting wet because I didn’t dry the bottom of one so each time I removed the top one the mold was touched and that started me off. When I finally realized what was doing it, the symptoms stopped immediately. PTSD and the stigma of certain illnesses like mental or emotional disorders still have some transformations to go through before the societal stigma vanishes which it eventually will and hopefully in our lifetime. l/sparrow

N.S. said...

l/sparrow,

hopefully the stigma will vanish - and the treatments available will become more accessible / affordable / apropro...

ptsd is indeed (for me, at least) a wild ride... but i handle it as best i can... and things have definitely - in some ways, at least - gotten better.

as far as the theory about asthma being a call back to the womb...

who knows?

i do know that when the tears broke through whatever barriers were holding them back... and i spent a whole lot of time crying... my asthma (again, "knock wood" - we are just approaching the humid / rainy / mold-growing season...) seemed to improve...

i also thing that when i started singing more - silly as it might seem (i was a nervous wreck in the beginning...) i began to become a little more confident - over time - in regard to "performance anxiety."

And I also found out the amazing amount of talent that is "out there" - all around us - so often unacknowleged!

Thanks for posting!

NS

N.S. said...

oops! "thing" should be "think" (lol!)

i'm preparing for the parade tomorrow and pretty (even though this is a fun event!) stressed...

take care!

Anonymous said...

Paul Sorvino the actor has a kind of handbook about asthma with one technique moderately useful. Inhale to fill lungs and slowly blow air out with thumb on lips like a trumpet player with cheeks expanded--this is supposed to relax the constricted airway to some degree and allow one to concentrate and relax the mind as well. ls

N.S. said...

i've found that technique (I read it somewhere...) helpful when i can relax (smile) enough to do it.

and i've also found that having a peak flow meter and using it when i feel short of breath helps me monitor things / keep my asthma attacks (as far as degree of seriousness) in perspective, because it is when one's airflow drops (which registers on the peakflow meter) and/or when one's wheezing becomes severe or chronic that one has to be real careful and/or seek medical (if one's airflow drops radically... asap!)attention.

It has been my experience that one has to become an expert as to one's own triggers are - and what works / doesn't work for each individual...

Tips are always appreciated! And today I will no doubt need to delve into my meds and my "box of 'tips'" :)

Have a happy!

NS



NS

N.S. said...

iyi - see that? there are two of me
again ;)